I woke up this morning feeling utterly shit because of what happened last night. I really thought if I persisted I might get somewhere, but no. I ended up making a utter fool of myself, making him get angry. I cried, like I have done for the past few weeks. Everything has just built up inside me and I really don't know what to do with myself any more.
Even writing this I'm tearing up. It's ridiculous Hannah, he's just a guy. But a great guy, who I'd give my world to. Who means everything to me. I can't be mad at him. I just don't think he realises how much I'd do for him. But, it's his loss. If he doesn't want me, no one else will.
I tried really hard this morning to look hot, but when I arrived at work, I felt like a twat with my make up on, so I washed it off. Why should I try so hard for someone who doesn't want me? It's crazy, but I just can't stop.
I'm trying to be positive about this. I've been watching a lot of FRIENDS recently, and I think we're like Ross and Rachel. That they both want each other, but things keep getting in the way, but in the end they end up together. I don't know. I'm such a fool. I hate myself so much right now.
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